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Read More About Bitcoin Sucker ™

Client Portal

Portals are a very serious business. You must approach the portal at the correct speed in order to synchronise your own matter with the matter of the screen where the portal is showing. Do not approach too fast or slow and be absolutely at one with your self or you might just break the screen with your head...

Portal Destinations

The portal can take any client anywhere he, she or it wishes to travel. Return to yoru own time and space cannot be undertaken by the same portal so you can only attempt to use the portal once you have sent $47000 USD in BTC to our wallet for insurance purposes in case other people find out what happened to you.

All of our portal destinations will allow you to arrive in one piece but the nature of the Universe being a vacuum means that there is very littler chance you will not explode upon arrival.

Our terms and conditions expressly forbid and portal use to wear any identifying items as they pass through in case their remains are discovered by time-travellers down the line who may try and bring a case against us in the near-future.

More Words

As with any portal, the likelyhood of an experience that you can interpret with your current model of the Spcetime Continuum is very small. We ask that all portal users prepare themselves for hypnotherapeutic regression following any experience as otherwise they may feel that nothing actually happened when they banged their head into their computer screen. We can recommend a suitable practitioner upon request.

The Launch Process

You wil need an office chair with wheels or a shopping trolley.

Do not wear a crash helmet or the portal will not work.

Keep your arms at your sides.

Don't grit your teeth.

If it hasn't worked by the third time, try singing 'ain't got a dime to my name' as your head makes contact with the screen.

Bitcoin Sucker is dedicated to doing away with the vast majority of population on planet Earth.

No matter what anyone says, we believe in a small number of extremely rich people enslaving the majority of the human population by using currency and debt. If you have any qualifications in this field we would love to hear from you.